Birth Parent Letter

We thought about it, and thought about it.......and decided to go ahead and post our Birth Parent Letter. This is used for Domestic Adoption and given to the birth mothers and/or fathers to help them choose the family that will raise their child.

So here it is...


Hello,

We are John and Susan Soares. We live in Fresno, CA in a very nice affluent neighborhood located near the foothills of the Sierras and within the best school district for the area. We have been married 15 years and share a home with our dog, Amoretto, and our cat, Stoli who are both very spoiled four-legged children of ours. We can’t wait to add two-legged children to our family portrait and enter into parenting. Of course, the desire to have children is a pretty common thing for most loving married couples, but for us it would be a dream-come true…a little miracle. Your child would be a gift, a miracle to us. We would forever cherish and honor this bond with you.

No doubt you must wonder…who we are and why should you even consider us?

Here is John: I was born and raised in the Central Valley and grew up in a small dairy town south of Fresno. I had a great childhood and was fortunate to have a father that adopted my 3 siblings and me when he married my mother. We were blessed with the addition of two more sisters later, each seven years apart. With a family of 8, I grew up in a busy, lively and loving household where there was always something going on since all of us were involved with school, church, activities, sports and work. The values I learned from my parents were to work hard, be responsible, keep a job, and no matter what I’ve done wrong I am always loved. I may not be “liked” right at that moment, but my family would always love me. We lost our oldest sister in recent years, which has brought us closer and helped us value life and appreciate each other more. I thank God for placing Susan in my life each and every day. Although Susan and I were raised differently, I feel we compliment each other in our approach and outlook in life. I enjoy some leisure sport activities, like tennis, golf, and bicycling but spending time with Susan is my greatest pleasure.

Here is Susan: I was born overseas in Vietnam. My mother is Vietnamese and my father was an American soldier, which makes me bi-racial. Unfortunately, my parents didn’t stay married and got a divorce when I was 10 yrs old. They each re-married and I have a half-brother and half-sister from my dad’s marriage. Fortunately, I am close to my siblings and stepmother, who is Puerto Rican. I consider them all my family. Both my dads were in the army so I grew up moving often which was a good thing because its allowed me to see the world at a very young age and experience a variety of cultures and people. I love to travel and feel that it is a great way to learn about people and especially yourself. When I moved to Fresno it was to attend college. I never planned on living here permanently but I met John at work, dated for 2 years and then got married. Of course, we always thought we would have children and be parents…we just didn’t realize it was going to be through adoption. I would describe myself as being very patient, generous, protective, responsible, logical, orderly, accepting, quick to cry or shed a tear, emotional.

Both John and I attended college in Fresno (Go Bulldogs!) but neither is working in our field of study from college, go figure! Although, we are happy with our careers we don’t consider a job title as a description of who we are…we are so much more than a title of Manager or Boss or Worker. We often get together with our family and friends to play tennis, cards, and board games…even karaoke! We are spiritual but not religious people and attend church regularly. We have wealth but its not measured in money but in friends and family and the relationships we have with them…that is our treasure!

Thanks for taking the time to get to know us. We hope to hear from you, but either way, we pray that you find peace in the decisions you make and are given grace by those you love.


With Sincere Respect and Love,
John & Susan Soares

Waiting in July

So here we are waiting....and waiting...and waiting for the homestudy to be finalized.

We took First Aid and CPR training courses, bought our lock box for ALL medications and vitamins, covered the electrical outlets, and put away the knives and harmful chemicals! All of this is in preparation of being Foster Care Certified, hopefully.
Honestly, to all the parents out there, did you do this prior to your bundle of joy coming home? Most parents that I've spoken to didn't AND their children are just fine. BUT, that's okay, we understand this is different because the powers-that-be wants to make sure the children aren't just being handed over to maniacs running around with a cup of clorox in one hand and a knife in another trying to stab every electrical outlet they find around the house!!
I know I am talking crazy but waiting makes you a little coo-coo.

So we wait for the final stamp of approval before we can finally meet our little boy!

On a non-adoption note...
We just got done celebrating the birth of our nation (4th of July) with family and friends. My parents from Taiwan, Paul and Chris, were here visiting for 3 weeks. Mom usually don't visit during the hot Fresno summers but year after year she heard us talking about the awesome fireworks display that can be seen from the backyard, she decided to see for herself this year. Guess what? Say it wasn't so...NO fireworks! We all gathered on the balcony at 9:30-ish anxiously waiting for sparks to fly and it was a big DUD! We think it was due to the economic times but what a major let down.

The Other Options

Sorry folks! Its been over a month since the announcement of Kazahkstan's closure and an update.
In an attempt to deal with this announcement, we are looking into the Foster-to-Adopt option. Now that we have settled into this idea, we are feeling better about where we are. Its not easy to change course or entertain the thought of NOT going to Kazakhstan after we carefully, with purpose and research, chose this country as a good fit for us. This option is not completely gone...its just that we want to be open to the adoption process and where ever it may led us. We have to remember that the goal is to be parents and open our hearts to a child that needs us just as much as we need him/her.

We've also taken steps to include Domestic Adoption. My biggest concern about this is the open adoption issue. Of course we are going to let the little one know where and from who he/she comes from. Its the pictures, letters and possible annual visits from the birth parents that I'm a little leery about. Maybe its all the TV shows and movies that shows the biological parents wanting to take back the child they gave up to adoption, or psycho mom stalking the house from a car across the street hoping for a chance to...whatever, right?!! I know rationally that is just sensationalized stuff but isn't that what we are meant to believe?

Only God knows where and when our child will be delivered to us. We are waiting and praying that it will be sooner than later. Until then we will trust in HIM.

to Hague or NOT to Hague

It looks like Kazahkstan is to Hague which means adoptions are closed!!
Here's the official statement...
"On May 17, 2010, U.S. Embassy Branch Office Almaty confirmed that the Ministry of Education of Kazakhstan has instructed Kazakhstan’s Embassy in Washington and Consulate General in New York not to accept new intercountry adoption dossiers. The Ministry said the moratorium on new adoption cases will remain in effect until Kazakhstan implements a system that is compliant with the Hague Adoption Convention; Kazakhstan intends to put such a system in place by September 2010. Kazakhstani officials have said the moratorium will not affect adoptions that are already in process."

To say that we are disappointed is an understatement. Going on a rant won't help and we aren't much for limbo. While we wait for September and Kaz to re-open, IF they do, we have decided to look into other options.

Redundancy

We are in paperwork hell, or the opposite of it depending on your prospective! The amount of redundancy in the Home Study and the International paperwork is ridiculous.
We need employment verification, health certificates, 2 sets of fingerprints (one each for DOJ and FBI), bank statements, pet health certificates (YUP! one for the dog and cat!), questionnaires about our up bringing, parenting style, past & current family relationships. It is sooo much easier to birth a child than adopt one. This is not for the faint of heart!
Both the Home Study and the International Dossier requires almost the same information BUT different forms! The irony is that the completed Home Study is INCLUDED with the Dossier when sent to the country of choice. Really?!

For those who are not aware, here's a little education...the Home Study is required by the State and done by a licensed adoption agency. There's paperwork, interviews with a Social Worker, a home visit, parenting classes to attend and fees to pay. The Home Study must be done by ALL who wish to adopt regardless of method of adoption.
There are 3 methods of adoption; 1. Domestic...this is where a birth mother picks a couple that she wants to raise her child, 2. Foster to Adopt...this is through the county/state foster care system, 3. International...which is what we have chosen. Each method of adoption has its own set of paperwork, which of course we already shared with you.
Lucky for us, Susan is the type of person that will take the laundry list of forms and punch them out over a weekend. John needs a little more time to "process" them. Although, from the time we paid the deposit and received our Home Study CD which had all the required forms to fill out to having 90% of the completed paperwork turned in, took 2 weeks! YES we are motivated!!

Telling Family & Friends

On Easter weekend the Soares' family got together on Saturday for the traditional ham dinner. We choose this day to tell the family of our adoption plans. BUT, we couldn't just make an announcement. Ooh No...We plan on doing something Fun and Memorable! So we got plastic Easter eggs, put the names of each family member on them and hid them for each person to find their own, kinda traditional so far right?
Of course, we couldn't resist putting a little surprise in each person's egg. There were people that knew about the adoption and others didn't. The ones that were in the know we printed out Russian words for them (not Kazakhstani but close). The words we choose were special to each person...Grandmother (BAA boosh ka), Grandfather (DYE doosh ka), Aunt (TYAWT ya), and Thank you (spaa SEE ba) which went to Ernestine for agreeing to be a reference for us.
Then there were the ones that didn't know...they all received blue eggs with a special message that they needed to UNSCRAMBLE, clever huh? The message was divided into 5 parts, like so, KAZ-AKH-STAN ADOP-TION. As the "Blue Team" huddled to figure out the words, Mark, (John's brother) blurted out..."John and Susan are adopting a child from Kazakhstan?!?"
Then there was chaos! Lots of OMG, screaming and tears of joy. It was a wonderful and fun way of telling them our happy news.

We would like to say a special Thank You to our friends that were willing to stand up for us and provide a good character reference. To EVERYONE that have been supportive by offering kind, encouraging words, we really appreciate the support.

Thank you to our NEW friends that we've made through blogging and have been gracious enough to share their adoption experience with us so we may be better prepared.

And of course, our love and appreciation to our parents that are not only supportive but also as anxious as we are to welcome home our "bundle of joy".

In The Beginning...

there was John and Susan...after 15 years there still was just John and Susan. We've always wanted children and after a few years without "results" we went to see a fertility specialist. That was as far as it went, obviously! Susan did not want to go through the hormone treatments and possible multiple births (octomom would be years later)! So we just waited. After the years passed we settled for a comfortable, carefree, quiet life together but something just didn't feel right!?!
We looked into adoption about 7 years ago but for whatever reason we never pursued it.
There is alittle sadness in accepting the loss of not having biological children. It was hard not to let our thoughts go to the "maybe we weren't meant to be parents" logic. While we wallowed in that for awhile, Susan decided to go back to work part-time for a tutoring center. Being surrounded by children and nurturing women everyday, it didn't take long for the adoption question to appear again. Of course we weren't too old to adopt children, right?
This time when we searched for answers, we found a local agency, met with them, attended an orientation class and signed up! Obviously this wasn't dance lessons we were giving a go at! We are going to be parents to a little boy or girl or both, only God knows! It was scary, exciting, and amazing. Our heads were swirling, it was like finding out we were pregnant.
We were surprised at how quickly things were going. In 2 weeks time we completed the home study paperwork and finished our Parenting classes in March.
Now it was time to tell family & friends....